"WHAT DO I DO WITH MY LIFE...?"

The end of my HSC was approaching all those many five & a bit years ago, and you all know that dreaded, but somehow unavoidable, and somewhat fair question that I am about to be asked by people once they realise I am about to finish school... Yep... You have answered it all on your own haven't you? If you haven't guessed it by now... Ok I'll just tell you... "OH WOW SO WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO NEXT YEAR?!"

As the years go by and school becomes a distant memory, I can't help but remember the amount of times I was asked that. Chances are you too were asked this question. Or, you're reading this and are still in school, but don't worry you'll get asked the very same question. I would often get nervous when faced with it. I don't know why really, but I guess it all boils down to the very thing we all have been faced with at some point in our lives. The need to impress those before us. Am I right or am I right?

It is a humbling thing to say that to this day because most of us fight it. It's admitting that, yeah, I want people to be impressed with how I decide to step into my "adult years" - the year that could potentially "make or break" the rest of my life (pfffftttt yeah right). One of my goals with this starting this blog was to shine light on how I got to where I am - how I've had to fight. Fight mentally, emotionally, spiritually, you name it, to allow my head to be in a space where dreams can be a reality, and not just a wish or sigh.

When I finished school, this was (in a tiny nutshell - otherwise I will write a novel), what was to follow - nothing like what I imagined... I had my fair share of setbacks, but none the less each came with a comeback.

I had finished working at a Gloria Jeans, and transferred to another where I was for only two months. Keep in mind I used to be the shy queen. Quiet and afraid to speak up at times. It was assumed I had it all together and knew all their processes. In which I did not. So all in one shift my supervisor grilled me, spoke down to me, told me I was doing it all wrong, and broke me to the point she had no idea I burst into tears while making delicious raisin toast for a customer. I had to breathe a deep breathe, wipe away my tears, and continue working the agonising last couple of hours left on my shift. What hurt the most was I had been there for two months... It took my manager and supervisor two months to tell me I was doing everything wrong. To make it worse, the way I was told was completely unprofessional... just plain rude.

That story is seriously depressing - but you know what is crazy - I write this with a smile on my face, because I want to teach young, potential business owners and entrepreneurs lessons about being a boss. I want to take that story that caused me grief and turn it into a masterpiece. I want to deconstruct it.

You see, what can be a hard lesson and difficult challenge - can sometimes be the greatest thing for us. I want our generation to be the best generation of bosses the world has ever seen. Who doesn't want a boss who encourages, who directs gracefully, and who confronts truthfully yet embraces the journey of growth in another. Work should be fun, no matter how hard or challenging it may be.

As if things couldn't get worse, I couldn't find a job for 9 months after leaving there (I emailed my boss and said "cya later never coming back" - don't recommend that as a form of resignation by the way haha). So I eventually decided to head to TAFE to study the July after school finished. Best decision. I studied Community Services & Counselling. It was interesting. Taught me a lot about people, people skills, understanding people, caring for people, pretty much the good, bad and ugly of humanity. Wanting to establish a business myself - it had laid a good foundation for me in terms of staff and people skills. People are so, soooooo interesting. You meet the ones that revolutionise your life. Then you meet the ones who you wish you could smack sense into. Especially your terrible bosses.

I was at TAFE for two years, eventually got a job at a cafe and cried as I sat in my car after I was given that job. I was at that cafe for 11 months, and yes, of course, my boss was terrible. Barely spoke English. God bless him. He was just plain dodgy, you don't even need to be made bored with the details. After a couple of weeks of transition I got a job where I still am, at a Juice Bar yall! Last year I studied Business & Management at Bedford College. It was a fun year! Plus in between all of this I was a voluntary youth leader for five years up until the end of last year. I have always loved helping people, but didn't know that helping people could look like anything you allowed it to be.

I wouldn't change any of the past five years for anything in the world. That was just the popcorn version. There are many more stories to come in future posts. I feel the past few years led me to this very moment. The lessons. The challenges. The moments of "whyyyyy?". Moments of stress, and worry, and discontent. But also moments of joy, of peace, and knowing that I was exactly where I needed to be the last five years. No where else was I required but there. Every moment. Every breathe. All of it for a greater purpose that I could have never seen the day I stepped out of school after signing out.

It's ok if you don't know what you want to do. You have your whole life to let it unravel. Don't let people put pressure on you. My friend, you do what you need to do to figure out your dreams. It will be hard at times. You will have lightbulb moments, I promise. You will have a moment where it all just drops like gold in that heart and mind of yours. I promise. And if it takes you 20 years - so be it. 

My biggest realisation in it all is that you must pursue the very thing you are passionate about - the very thing you enjoy doing on a daily basis. Next thing to figure out is how you can turn your passion into a force to build & impact humanity in whatever way possible. If a job doesn't exist that encompasses your passions and desires and dreams - then create it. Create a little bit every day until you begin to see it come to life. Before you know - things will align, people will align, dreams align and you realise that all those years were simply years to teach and grow your character.

Keep your day job as long as you need to in order to build the life you want to have. Keep your purpose clear. Envision it. Write it. You've got to start somewhere.

Much lurve.

Jemimah Ana

Photos: Cred to mum for the first selfie. & Sunrise shoot at Coogee on Anzac Day.